Because love isn't an emotion. That fire I felt, it was simply that: emotional fire. From the excitement of dating a woman I felt like I could marry. But it wasn't love.
No, love isn't an emotion or even a noun. It's a verb. Better defined as giving. As putting someone else's needs above your own.
Why wasn't I getting reciprocal lovey-doveyness when we were first married? Because it wasn't for her. It was for me. An emotion I had in my chest.
And even when I let it out of my chest, it wasn't love.
Being sappy isn't love. Telling someone you love them doesn't mean that you do.
And that's why my wife just gave me that half-smile. She knew, even if I didn't, what love really is.
-There was no way I could keep that dating fire burning as practicality invaded our lives.
And at first, it drove me nuts. That emotion meant love! That excitement was how I knew I cared for her! But suddenly, life was this grind. Even when I was with her. Especiallywhen I was with her.
-I think that might be a big part of the reason the divorce rate is so high in this country. Imagine a whole nation of people constantly chasing the emotions they had when they were dating. A country of people trying to live a Disney movie.
That's a recipe for disastrous marriages.
-It's time that we changed the conversation about love. It's time that we redefine it.
-It took me longer than I care to admit to understand what was happening.
But eventually it became clear. Through giving, through doing things for my wife, the emotion that I had been so desperately seeking naturally came about. It wasn't something I could force, just something that would come about as a result of my giving.
In other words, it was in the practicality that I found the love I was looking for.
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